| There comes a time for many adult children when they are faced with the task of bringing up important, yet sensitive, financial issues with their aging parents. It’s not always an easy thing to do. Parents may feel that their financial affairs aren’t any of their children’s business. They may worry about sibling conflict over inheritances. They may not be prepared to address the inevitable feelings about mortality that such a discussion will stir up.
“It can be kind of a touchy thing,” said Pam Piper, an investment representative with Edward Jones in Port Orchard. “Usually that’s a very tough question for children to ask their parents.”
Because this issue can be such an uncomfortable one, for both the parents and the children, many families avoid the issue until the parents experience some kind of health crisis or other emergency.
But the best time for children to talk to their parents about these things is before that happens, when everyone can sit down together and have a conversation without the added stress and emotion any crisis creates. Plus, knowing in advance about things such as where health insurance cards are kept, if there is a trust, will, power of attorney and so on, can help alleviate some of the stresses in such a crisis.
Of course, children should always take care when bringing up this topic, so as not to put the parents on the defensive, making them feel as if their child thinks they are no longer capable of making sound decisions, or as if the child is “after” their money.
“Sometimes just asking, “What do I do in an emergency?” is a great approach,” said Piper. This non-threatening approach allows the parents to remain in the parental role of advisor, while still providing the children with vital information they may need in the future.
If parents are reluctant to discuss their financial issues, said Piper, it may be best to approach the topic in a round-about way.
“Usually what I have recommended is to simply say something like, ‘Joe and I were talking about getting our wills done. Does somebody know where yours is?’” she said. “Or you could say that you had seen your financial advisor and that she was asking you if your children knew about your finances, and that made you think about your parents. It’s kind of a gentle way of pushing the door open.”
In some cases, the parents’ financial advisor can be a great ally.
“If I am talking with my senior clients I will invite them to bring in their adult children to an annual review,” said Piper. “I always ask if their children know, if they’ve talked to them about their wealth and finances.”
At the very least, Piper said, aging parents should tell their children who to talk to about their finances after the parents have gone, or if one or both of the parents experiences a health crisis.
“If they at least know who to call, even if they don’t know all the financial details, that’s a big help,” she said.
When talking to your parents about financial and other sensitive issues, here are a few items that you should ask about:
Health records: Where are their health insurance ID cards? Is their health insurance coverage up-to-date? Do they have sufficient coverage? Do they have living wills or other health care directives? Have they thought about establishing a power of attorney? Do they have long-term care coverage?
Financial records: Where do they keep their important financial records? If they work with a financial advisor, what is their name and contact information? Where do they keep their checkbook and other bank records? Do they have a safety deposit box? If yes, where do they keep the key?
Do they have a will? If yes, does someone know where it is? Is it up-to-date?. | 
