Pat Morgan’s 90-year-old mother lives miles away from her Bainbridge Island home, but the long distance doesn’t make it any easier on Morgan when it comes to her mother’s care. The elderly woman, who lives in Illinois and has macular degeneration, stopped working and driving 10 years ago and cannot see--but still takes her own medication.

“I can’t seem to get her to understand how much stress that creates in me and my siblings,” Morgan says.

Morgan, along with her sister and brother who both live within three to four hours from mom, have been trying to help the woman with her affairs and personal care, but it’s been no easy task. Morgan describes her mom as a stubborn person who wouldn’t use any special aids because she doesn’t want to try new technology, resists pretty much any arrangements offered to her including social service help, refuses to move into a senior community apartment where she knows many people--let alone into a nursing home--and generally likes to be independent and make her own decisions.

“It’s very stressful emotionally” for Morgan and her siblings, but they know they can’t force the adult parent, who doesn’t have dementia and has a very clear mind, to accept their advice. She does listen to the son more--something that has to do with generational beliefs, Morgan says.

Morgan’s situation is not unlike of a growing number of American adults who end up taking care of their parents, whether that means long-distance, moving to be closer to them, or even taking the parent into their home. “I think it’s very common, it’s a normal thing for people to do as best as they can,” says Beulah Downing, a social worker and geriatric specialist who runs a support group on Bainbridge Island designed for adults like Morgan.

“What’s hard is…many parents don’t to accept the help,” she says. “The doctor is usually a wonderful resource.” For example, if the parent would not listen to the adult child that he or she needs to eat better, the parent will usually listen to the doctor, Downing says. And mothers, she confirms, will often listen to their sons rather than their daughters.

In Morgan’s situation, the family is fortunate that the siblings are cooperating and working together--but that isn’t always the case. Sibling rivalry can often make the situation more difficult, especially if the parents learn to play them against each other.

Downing says as much as you are convinced about what’s best for the parent, avoid a power struggle. “You really have to go with what they say, which is very hard,” she says, but adds that cases like parents with dementia are an exception.

The issues adults face while caring for their parents include financial, emotional and decision-making. Downing recommends the best place to start is the senior information line, and says the Kitsap County center has “wonderful people (who) want to help.” Support groups like hers are also a good place to turn to: The group has compiled a list of resources, and provides emotional support for people who share similar experiences.

“They (the support group) give you a commonality to the experience that makes you not feel so isolated,” Morgan says. “It gives you ideas how other people have managed a particular situation.”

That support can be especially helpful when facing multiple decisions as a caretaker: Should the parent be moved to your home or a nursing facility? How do you address safety issues? How do you make sure to take care of yourself so you’re not overwhelmed?

“There are no easy solutions,” Morgan says. “Everyone… has to set their course based on their situation and factors. There is no ‘one size fits all’ solution.”.