| There are a few humorous axioms about almost any subject or activity you can name. What they all have in common is the ring of truth. And no matter how much we hate to admit it, no where are they truer than about golf — no matter how good or bad we play. Among those are:
• The members who command the best service at your golf club either have the lowest handicaps or the highest bar bills.
• Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result. (Tommy Armour)
• Many stockbrokers and bankers believe that a stroke does not really occur unless it was observed by more than one person.
• If you find yourself pleased that you locate more balls in the rough than you actually have lost, your focus is totally wrong and your personality might not be right for golf... it is also just a matter of time before the IRS investigates your business.
• Why is it twice as difficult to hit a ball over water than sand?
• You know your golf game is improving when you start missing shots much closer than you used to.
• The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name... and they say golf is a quiet game.
• The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.” (Phyllis Diller)
• Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.” (Bob Hope)
• Only a stupid golfer throws his club behind him. The smart golfer throws his club ahead so he can pick it up on the way to the next hole. (Corollary: clubs don’t float.)
• The reason it’s called golf is that all the other four-letter words were already taken.” (Dr. Vincent Manjoney)
• If you have lost more than four balls on any given hole, for safety reasons, let your partner drive the cart.
• If profanity had an influence on the flight of the ball, the game would be played far better than it is.” (Horace Hutchinson)
• Golf’s three ugliest words: still your shot.” (Dave Marr)
• He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.” (Mickey Mantle)
• Golf is like marriage: if you take yourself too seriously it won’t work... and both are expensive.
(Editor’s Note: Coach Rufus, also known as Jim Willingham, is a retired real estate broker from Macon, Georgia. Today, he runs a daily internet joke list with a number of Kitsap subscribers. The above came from that list and is published with permission. He may be reached at coachrufus@aol.com or www.coachrufus.itgo.com.). | 
