In 1996, Fred Couples was trying hard to bring attention to the Pacific Northwest as a viable venue for PGA sanctioned gold tournaments. I was working hard to transition my book of business from Edward Jones to Piper Jaffary where I had moved my career to the same year.

Fred Couples was near the top of his game, coming of a win at the Masters just a few short years before. I was practicing serating the soil at the Kitsap Golf and Country Club, with a handicap very wildly fluctuating between 19 and 22 (anything you do happens wildly with a handicap in the 20s, I assure you).

Couples had picked up a tournament sponsorship from Ernst Hardware. I picked up a new wife, who dubiously must have wondered who was sponsoring who I was sponsoring an attorney from a previous divorce actions). Fred Couples had moved from Seattle to Florida to establish a professional career. I had moved from Montana to Poulsbo to do the same.

As is clear, there were absolutely no similarities between Fred Couples and myself — outside of the fact we were both taking up air at the same time. The idea that I would be invited to play with him in the top group of the 1997 Invitational Tournament in Seattle would not only be as wild as my game, but wholly inconceivable.

Flash forward from 1996 to 1997: Ernst Hardware had gone bankrupt, leaving the Invitational Tournament without a lead sponsor. Negotiations in Seattle result in Piper Jaffary becoming the lead sponsor at the last moment. It’s been a year into my new career. I’m playing even less “golf” — you know the old saying, if you can’t break 90 you have no business on the course, if you can, have no business. But I have managed to not only transition my stock brokerage accounts over, but have more or less prospered in the single-minded fury of not falling on my face.

In May of that year, out of a clear blue sky (must have been a sunbreak, right?) comes a phone call from the son of the founder of the firm in Minneapolis, inviting me to join him as sponsor, to the top group at the Fred Couples Invitational Golf Tournament... Hello? Excuse me? The Caller ID on the phone revealed no fraud. It had been years since I graduated from Cal Berkley — my blood was clean, I swear. Oh wow! Oh sh*t!

Such were the circumstances leading to this improbable pairing. Get this: Ever heard of Arnold Palmer? Yeah, well he was golfing too... You just don’t say “No,” with all due respect to Nancy Reagan. What you do say is, “Do you have a place on your schedule for golf lessons Mark?” Mark being Mark Silvira, the KGCC pro at the time. Besides, while they’re helping me locate my lost ball, they just might want to open an account, right? I mean even PGA stars have to invest for retirement, don’t they? If they see how bad I am, they must figure I’m good at something... or something like that. Anyway, such was the tortured logic running through my brain.
Stay with this, it really gets rich. June, and the first half of July are dedicated to the pursuit of whatever it is I’m trying to do. I’m trying to brag to folks about my award but my voice betrays me in shreds of falsetto. Weeks are measured in hours to D-Day. The letter “D” is taking on strange new connotations never intended by Eisenhour.

You see, I’m a member of the North Kitsap/Poulsbo Rotary Club — though many would deny it. And you see, we have this exchange student from Germany that year, Markus, whose time is rapidly drawing to a close. We have that among other things in common, including my and I having him part of the year in our home. Friday, July 25, a week and a half before the big “D,” and I take Markus out for the last time on a short, slow ride on the Harley for 10 minutes, before supper is to be ready. The rest, as they say, is history.... as transcribed and taken from the North Kitsap herald edition of Wednesday, July 30, 1997... Keith Bebbe’s column, “On The Map.”

And I quote... “STERN MEASURES: Bad News; Ed Stern of Poulsbo recently suffered a broken arm in an accident. Good News; The prompt and efficient response of North Kitsap Fire District No. 10 rescue people to help. Bad News; Ed Stern bewailing the fact that he was set to play in Fred Couples golf tournament in Seattle. Good News; The rescue personnel all play golf and voted to stash Ed at the firehall for awhile and take his place in the tournament (which explains all the chipping going on at Kole Kola Park). Bad News; After 10 minutes of Ed Stern humor, FD 10 voted to release Ed back into the world. Good News; Ed is fine and our emergency crews are up to par...”

Markus made his plane with one scratch that Saturday back to Germany. I trudged after the lead group with a dark blue sling and a bag of ice the following Monday. At the end of the round, Fred Couples turns and hands me a golf ball that has written on its front side, his signature, and on the back side this message: “Sorry Ed, which I can still see here in my office every time I painfully swing my chair past bogie...