I’ve been acting as a “second” for a client of mine on some discussions.

The simplest version goes like this: “Here, Mr. Clark, read these documents, and then go talk to Mr. So-and-So about what he wants on this thing, and see if you can work things out to suit everyone concerned.”

A few times so far, I’ve gone to see a Mr. So-and-So and Mr. So-and-So is not happy. At least one of these experiences was a complete surprise to me, but I knew the moment we shook hands he was quite angry.

We spent a few minutes in small talk — where I was from, and things like that. There was a pause, and I said: “Sir, I want to tell you why I’m here. I am new in this role for my client, and right now I’m trying to get the lay of the land. I’m like a land surveyor making measurements for a topographical map. The high spots and low spots are neither good nor bad. They are just high and low. Once we get all these spots lined out by talking, then we can figure out where we are. So what I’m telling you is this: Give me the truth as you see it, and let me see if I can get a handle on the lay of the land.”

That’s all the opening he needed. He proceeded to launch into a pretty good description of why he was not happy with my client. After about five minutes, he paused for a breath.

I held up my palm. “Sir, I’d like to interject something if I may.”

He nodded to go ahead.

“Sir, it strikes me that you are mad as you-know-what. I want to tell you plainly, sir: Let it out. It sounds like my client has let you down. I need to hear exactly what is going on here.”

He took me at my word, and spent the next thirty minutes or so elaborating on exactly how my client had not done right by him. The whole thing could have been summed up in one simple description, and that would fall under the heading of plain-old lack of communication.

I will be working with this man on a project that will last a couple of months. I put out my hand at the end of his steam-blowing session: “Sir, I cannot change the past, but I will give you my word that I will see this thing through with you. I intend to have this handshake with you again at the end, when both of us know we did this project together.”

He let out a long, deep breath. “Now we’re getting somewhere.” We spent the next two hours reaching exact agreement on where we wanted to be and what we needed to get there. I’ve made a new friend, and have learned something about the amazing things that can happen when two people sit down and listen to each other.