For years I've wondered why anyone would suggest running the United States government like a business. With two hundred years of success behind it, you'd think business might consider running itself like the American government. (I probably shouldn't mention it here, but most businesses have the life span of a small mammal. And even the best-run business rarely inspires employees to lay down their lives and their children's lives that others might continue to be employed.)

But after reading your editors' opinions on the Lesson of Boeing, I sat down, determined to think this thing through to the end, and I had a vision of America if one of those "lean and mean" CEOs could have their way with her. Phil Conduit had the courage to move Boeing to Chicago despite years of tradition and the wishes of his employees. What if Mr. Conduit or one of his cronies could run the government? Let me share my vision with you. Let me take those principles that have made American businesses like Boeing great and apply them to our nation state.

First and most obvious, we move the federal government offshore. Think of the tax breaks and incentives we'd be offered! (Maybe we could get the International Olympic Committee to chose a site for us.) America is just too expensive and hostile to the cost of running a government. Clearly we need all those bureaucrats: both parties agree on that. Let's fill those jobs with host-country nationals and keep the industrial jobs for ourselves.

I think Mexico would be the perfect place to locate our new capital. It's close, it's central, it's warm, and it's cheap. Mexico already has a bureaucracy of her own, so we wouldn't have a big training problem (and they have terrific bankers, so important to good government). Bureaucracy doesn't pollute. It doesn't take jobs away from Canadians. In the same vein, why not privatize the military and let the Russians run it? It is one thing they do really well and their hardware is dime on the dollar. Maybe some folks aren't ready for that last step yet, but they just aren't thinking like business.

Next, we issue stock. Why should the nation be restricted to the bond market? Heck, it worked for dot.coms. People will put their retirement money into it. But most important, people in other countries will buy the stock. Then, and this is the best part, we convince the people who own our national debt to take stock instead of cash! We'll never get that debt off our backs without killing ourselves otherwise and we all know it. It's my understanding that countries like Germany, Japan, and Great Britain hold most of the debt. I don't know how to put it delicately, so I'll put it bluntly: They all owe us anyway. Sixty years they got themselves embroiled in hell on earth and we pulled them out of it, forgave the sinners, dusted them off, set them up and gave them another chance. Now it's our turn. With that terrible crippling debt off our backs, we can use our tax dollars for all the worthwhile things we intended, the value of the national stock will go up, and practically everyone will become millionaires. I know it will be risky in some sense, but not half so risky as World War II. All we need is the right marketing.

The last step is the most important, but the most painful. Still, consider it with an open mind. We need to downsize America. We cannot afford to keep building the infrastructure necessary to support everybody's third cousin. We have to lay off citizens, but in a compassionate and constructive way.

Here is my plan. We hold a lottery, and those lucky winners get vouchers of citizenship that they can hold onto or sell on the open and free market. The losers must leave, although they will be provided with a host of special programs and continuing relocation aid and grants. Impoverished winners or those with an itch to travel will be able to negotiate very substantial sums of money for outright sale or lease of their vouchers. This will provide them with a handsome grubstake for their new life in Chile, Australia, Eastern Siberia, even Mexico.

Think about it. Think about life in the United States without debt, with cheap and reliable federal government, and with open highways, uncrowded schools, plenty of housing for all. All we need is the courage of a Boeing.

I know that many of you are laughing, but down deep in your hearts you think it makes good sense. Dear God, my dear sweet land, some of you think it makes good sense.

Jane Bedinger
Southworth.